I’d like to share with you all a story that I haven’t shared fully in a public setting.
When I was in my final years of university, I began to struggle with my mental health for the first time. I didn’t know why I was suddenly feeling depressed and anxious, waking up in the night having panic attacks.
For the longest time I kept pushing these feelings down, doing my best to ignore them and try to feel something good. But it never came.
Why was this happening to me? I was a varsity athlete, had good academic standing, volunteered in the community, had a boyfriend and a great support system – yet I was deeply unhappy.
After a year of suffering in silence I decided to see the doctor. She prescribed me anti-anxiety medication and I went on with my life. Sure, I was feeling a bit better and having anxiety attacks less frequently and was able to function a bit better on a day-to-day basis. But my intuition was telling me it was something else.
At the time I was living with my (then) boyfriend and things were always just ‘okay’. I kept telling myself that it was because I was depressed but I was completely ignorant to the fact that my depression, anxiety, and unhappiness was a result of the environment I was living in everyday.
We fought constantly, if I expressed any sort of discontent with him it quickly was turned back on me, I felt like I was walking on eggshells and couldn’t express my thoughts or emotions, I felt guilty for not ‘doing enough’ (even though I was a full-time student-athlete with a strict schedule and had a part-time job).
I was blinded by my own limiting beliefs to the fact that I was in a very toxic relationship, and it was showing up in my mental health.
One night he woke me up at 3am and told me that he didn’t want to be together anymore. At the time, I was devastated but it turned out to be the greatest wake up call of my life.
After moving out and getting some distance from him, things began to change. I was no longer deeply unsatisfied with myself and my life. My mood was better, I was more confident in myself, I caught myself laughing and having fun more often, spending more time with friends, and ultimately an all-around happier person. I ended up moving to Europe to continue my career, travelling to different countries, learning new languages and cultures, making new friends, and met my (now) boyfriend.
However, when things started to get more serious for us, I realized that I was having a very difficult time opening up and being vulnerable. This is when I knew that I needed to do something to work through the past trauma if I wanted to build a future with this person.
I decided to invest in myself and joined The Launchpad coaching program and it gave me the tools and strategies that have allowed me blossom and show up as myself, with confidence and become comfortable with being vulnerable in my relationship.
The changes were small but with continuous effort and compounding over time, I saw a big change in myself. I was able to let down those interna walls that I had built up for years and finally be vulnerable and express my thoughts and emotions again and allow myself to love and be loved.
All of this is to say that, if you are struggling right now and you know that deep down you need to make a change. This is the sign that you need to invest in yourself. Whether that is therapy, 1:1 coaching, or even our Launchpad program (we’d love to have you join us).
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
If you want to see changes in your life, then you have to be the one to make them!
– Coach Taylor
