Have you worked hard to succeed only to find that success doesn’t bring the happiness and fulfillment you imagined? Do you often feel frustrated, anxious or disappointed? If this resonates with you it could be time to get curious about your expectations.
- Uncover Them
Our expectations hide out so we must create the mental space to become conscious of them. We often aren’t aware that we’re walking around with a certain degree of struggle and self-doubt that’s directly related to comparing ourselves constantly to an idealized standard of who we should be.
- Check And Vet
Most of the time we’re thinking society’s thoughts about how we should be. We’re fed standards about everything from our body image to our accomplishments. Are your success measurements ones that you’ve consciously considered and chosen? If you’re using an ideal standard then nothing will ever feel good enough.
- Focus On Progress not Perfection
It’s common for high achievers to reach a standard of success, but then they quickly move on to the next thing. This mindset reinforces never enough—which leads to feelings of frustration, anxiety and disappointment. You are playing a game of fetch with yourself because you keep moving the standard forward. Expecting a high standard in yourself leads to a lot of external success but it often comes at the expense of happiness and fulfillment because you always see yourself as lacking in some way.
One of the quickest ways to create better expectations is to focus on the reality of where you currently are and measure backwards from there. That puts you in the mindset of seeing and appreciating all of your progress. This helps you feel more confident and resourceful. It also helps you live in your own experience as opposed to chasing an ideal that isn’t healthy or realistic.
– Coach Liane