Time for a pop quiz folks…Let’s see if you are REALLY ready for the change you say you desire.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1) Is what you are doing in your life working?
I see a lot of clients who come to coaching who are spending a lot of time and energy doing things that simply aren’t working. While they recognize that what they are currently doing is failing to produce the results they desire in their lives, they need help changing their attitudes and behaviour. For example, clients who find themselves in a relationship that is robbing them of their energy and self-confidence need my help in leaving their comfort zone and doing something to improve the situation, rather than choosing to continue to suffer.
2) Are your payoffs healthy?
People do things repeatedly because they are getting some kind of payoff. But often times, the rewards for their choices aren’t healthy or constructive ones. For example, people who smoke get a payoff by feeling better in the moment, but over the long term, cigarettes rob them of their health and take years off their lives. Or you may find yourself in a relationship in which you’re neglected or emotionally abused, but it’s easier to stay than it is to admit there’s a problem and get out. Sitting on the sidelines and putting up with less than you deserve because you don’t have the courage to reach for something different is not my idea of a payoff.
3) Are you getting in the way of your own success?
Ask yourself if your decisions are carrying you toward what you want. For example, you may be afraid of elevators. If you work on the first floor of your building, it probably isn’t a problem. Let’s say you hear about a better job on the 32nd floor, but you don’t go for it because you don’t want to get in the elevator every day. Your fear is disrupting the flow of your life and you need to make a change.
4) Are you making everyone happy except yourself?
Maybe you don’t want to work in the family business but you feel obligated to. Maybe you don’t want to stay in your marriage but it would upset your family if you split. It’s easier to say no to yourself than to someone else but I would hate for you to live this year, or the next 20 or 30 years pleasing others while neglecting yourself. You need to look at why you’re unwilling to stand up for who you are and what you want and start working to change.
5) Is the cost of what you are doing too high?
Let’s assume that in order to have harmony in your life you have to stop being who you are. Maybe you are an assertive woman who muzzles herself in order to get along with an overbearing husband. If you have to stop being all of who you are in order to be half of a couple, then the cost is too high. No matter the circumstances, you’ve got to weigh the price you’re paying and decide whether it’s worth it.
6) Are you living with a chip on your shoulder?
Going through life motivated by anger and resistance will get you nowhere. If you resist promising ideas and opportunities because you are unwilling or afraid to care about something, then it`s time to let go of negative baggage and steer your attitude in a new direction.
7) Has it been too long since you relaxed?
People who are unhappy in their lives rarely take a deep breath. They don’t sleep well, don’t eat right and carry tension in their bodies all the time. If you’re overweight or feeling burdened by endless stress, your body is telling you something. It’s time to start listening.
8) Have you gotten too comfortable?
I think the term comfort zone is used inaccurately. A comfort zone is actually a stagnation zone: you’re stuck because you are afraid to take a risk. People often tell me that the scariest risk is admitting that what they have is not what they want. They are afraid to acknowledge that it’s time for a change because they are scared to death of making it happen. Quit pretending that what you have is okay if that’s not the case. You have the ability to create the life you want!
9) Are you low on your priority list?
We all tend to live reactive rather than proactive lives: wake up every day and deal with what is thrown our way. When women look at their own priorities and where they spend their time, they’re usually way down on the list or not on it at all. Are you always doing for others and never taking time for yourself because you think it’s selfish? The truth is that we need mothers, not martyrs. If you don’t take care of yourself then you can’t take care of others. If you run out of time before getting around to the simple things you want and need to do, then you’ve got to make yourself a higher priority.
Ask yourself these important questions and see what comes up. The answers will help determine whether or not you are really ready for change or not.
Until next time, make every performance count!