What brought me to coaching?
This year as I turned twenty seven. I felt as though I was having a “quarter life crisis”. I felt like I was shattered and broken, yet trying to uphold this façade of being totally put together. I had been nursing for almost five years, I had at three nursing jobs all in different areas at one time, was also working as a personal trainer, and I was still making time to see friends, work out at the gym for at least two hours a day, and go on vacation when I needed a little break from reality. I was so in control and was doing well for myself right? Wrong. Although it might seem like I was building an impressive resume filled with experience, I was actually just creating a super hostile environment for myself and those around me. I constantly struggled with the idea that I was not enough…”I did not work hard enough”, “I am not pretty or thin enough”, “ I do not have enough money”, and “my job is not good enough”. A constant theme rings in these thoughts- I simply was unworthy no matter what I did. As a result of these thoughts and my life style, I also manifested many physiological, and emotional symptoms from living in this state- insomnia, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty remaining calm, frequent headaches, poor appetite, low energy, and compulsive exercising. The results of these consequences left me feeling exhausted- mentally, physically, and emotionally, irritable with everyone around me, overscheduling myself, and feeling just plain old rotten. I finally hit my breaking point when I realized I was doing so much, yet I feel I had nothing to show for my achievements. I was leading a life that would run me into the ground. This lifestyle and my feelings of unworthiness were costing me my health and happiness, yet I still managed to guide and help others in their journey to feeling good about themselves and leading a balanced life style. This incongruent state is what bothered me the most. I was being a hypocrite.
Reprograming
I finally decided to take initiative for myself. I sought out a life coach. I had already hired a life coach in Yellowknife to help me understand my issues. At the same time I met Susan. After spending less than five minutes with Susan, I knew she was going to be able to help me. The comfort which she spoke with, and the conviction she had for everything she was teaching made me instantly have a bond of trust. After a few short second of her and I meeting, she had me in tears. In less than two minutes, I was able to get vulnerable and share my story with her. She put me in such a place of comfort that I allowed myself the opportunity to be seen as vulnerable and take the help. I knew after meeting her I NEEDED to train with her at Elite High Performance Coaching. After this first meeting we started talking and have worked together since. Susan taught me how to re-gain control of my life by developing healthy coping skills, being assertive to ensure my needs and wants are met, how to love my body, how to accept myself for who I am, and reinforce that I am enough and worthy.
The Solution
The solution to my problem was not solved after just a few short talks with Susan. Susan made me work hard every week we worked together. She made me explore all the little nooks and crannies in my emotional closet that I feared so much of crawling into. I feared the corners that shouted:” You are not good enough to be here”. Doing this emotional exploration was one of the hardest and bravest things I have done. I had to put myself into emotionally and physiological uncomfortable situations on this journey. There are days when it would have been really easy to just ignore the feelings I was having, deny their existence and continue on my day to day business. This was how I ended up in this situation to begin with. It was time to get honest with myself and start rebuilding the person I was meant to be. This experience has enabled me to feel more confident in myself, be confident in my ability to care for myself and others, know when to slow down and enjoy life, and to know I am worthyJ.
